I see it. I like it. I want it. I got it.

Ladies, go ahead and do me a favor and think back to the last daydream you had about a man. You know the one where you bump into him in a random place, he falls in love with you, and you live happily ever after? Now tell me why that was just a daydream instead of reality. Is he famous? Lives across the country? Already in a relationship? Does he simply not like you? I know we have all had at least one or two (but probably more like 200) celebrity daydreams. When I was 13, mine was that I would be sitting in the front row of a Justin Bieber concert jamming out when our eyes would lock. The moment my eyes met his there would have been fireworks because BOOM SHAKA LAKA: Love at First Sight. Why does it feel like the men we daydream about are always the ones we can’t have though?

The other day I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends and I let it slip that I felt like no men were interested in me at the moment. Big Mistake. She turned around, kicked me, and said “Stop being a stupid BITCH.” (What great friends I have, huh?) Me? Stupid? No. I am a Boss Ass Bitch not a Stupid Ass Bitch. She said “What about ‘Hunk’, ‘Dopey’, ‘Bashful’, ‘Sleepy’ and ‘Grumpy’? What about all the guys in your dms? What happened to that other guy you were going out with?” (FYI those aren’t real names… I would never pass on a guy named Bashful) She made a great point, a ton of guys WERE interested, I just didn’t want those ones. Truth be told, most of those guys are great, but they want me and for some reason that makes me not want them.

Obviously, we are going to want the handsome, rich, famous celebrities, but why is it that we even prefer the “normal” men who are unavailable to us rather than the ones who swooning over us? Why are we drawn to the ones who are taken, who live far away, or who are not interested in us? When there are 10 great guys who are interested why do we obsess over the one who isn’t? Why do we have the bad habit of wanting what we can’t have instead of the things we can? The answer is actually really simple, it is that we place value on the things that we have to work for.

If I went out and bought a belt at target, I would really like it. If I saved up for months and bought a real Gucci belt, I would treasure that damn thing. It’s not that the target belt isn’t good, it is a super desirable belt, but the belt I’m going to wear out to show off is the one I worked super hard for. It is the same concept in romantic relationships we want the more valuable man, and what makes him seem more valuable is how much effort we had to put into getting him. This phenomenon isn’t exclusive to women, men also place value on working to get a women. Maybe the reason that Steven doesn’t like you is because of how much you like him. (Meantime the reason you like him so much is because of how much he doesn’t like you.) It is a vicious cycle.

At this point you are probably thinking, “Okay Ashley, we get it. We can’t have what we want because we want it. Get to the damn point.” Here is the point. Here is how to be a Boss Ass Bitch instead of a Stupid Ass Bitch when it comes to getting men. Don’t let the man know how much you like him. Do not wear your heart on your sleeve. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. “But Ashley…” No Buts. Remember how you felt when the guy you liked started texting you, calling you, snapping you, facetiming you, dm’ing you all day every day? You liked him at first but then he went overboard saying he was “nuts about you.” That man wore his heart on his sleeve, and you went from liking him to being super turned off by him. Just think about who that man was for you the next time you want to let a guy know how into him you are. I’m not advocating for playing games…. but damn girl just play it cool. Be a Boss Ass Bitch. When you like a guy make sure that you are the mysterious girl that he can’t have and you will be exactly the girl he wants!

XOXO,

Ashley Rathbone