The Tale of Two Men

There will be no fun intro to spice it up today ladies. Trust me, no extra spiciness will need to be added today. I know that you are probably thinking “Ashley, the title has the word ‘men’ in it, please don’t tell us that you’ve been dating.” Don’t worry, I plan to be singling and mingling for a little while longer. That being said, I do have quite a few interactions with men that I am here to spill the tea about.

Recently, as in last week, I had two men in particular who I was interested in. For the purposes of the blog we will call them “Mr. Pilot” and “Mr. Lawyer.” Both of which didn’t work out for somewhat similar reasons. While different, these situations both boiled down to the same issue. I simply had too much respect for myself to accept less than what I deserved.

Mr. Lawyer is every young woman’s dream. He has pretty blue eyes, he is intelligent, kind, driven, and did I mention he got a full ride to law school? What is hotter than a nerdy law student who is actually a good guy? NOT ONE DAMN THING. “Ashley, you dumb bitch. How do you “have too much self respect” for this young man?” Yes he is great but here is the fact that it boiled down to : while Mr. Lawyer may have seemed like my dream man on paper, he was never going to be as into me as he was into law school. This man is going to be spending the next 3 years with his nose in a book studying from 5am-8pm every day. I knew that for at least the next 3 years I was not going to get the quality time that I would deserve in a relationship. I had to respect myself enough to know what I need and walk away if he can’t give it to me.

Mr. Pilot is a little bit older and is already extremely successful. He travels the world and lives a bit more lavish of a lifestyle. He is a more mature and manly kind of handsome. Mr. Pilot was invited out to a bar by one of my friends to set us up, and I was genuinely looking forward to meeting him. Upon his arrival, it quickly became clear to me that he was more interested in my friend who had invited him than he was into me. I obviously didn’t give him even a minute of my time that evening. When he realized his mistake and came back around asking me about going out to dinner or for drinks it was too damn late. I have too much respect for myself to go out with someone who is more interested in my friends than me.

Cutting things off with Mr. Pilot was extremely easy for me because I never really got to know him at all. However, cutting things off with Mr. Lawyer was excruciatingly difficult. I actually already had a date planned with him that I was SO FUCKING EXCITED for that I ended up cancelling. It took every ounce of willpower I had to cancel that date because I did NOT want to. If I was going to tell myself that I have too much self respect to deal with being 2nd to another woman (in the Pilot’s case), than I would be a total hypocrite to accept less than what I deserve from Mr. Lawyer - no matter how much I liked him. If I know that I am going to get feelings for someone who can’t give me what I want I need to respect myself enough to walk away.

My biggest takeaway from last week was this - you have to respect yourself enough to walk away from some good ass shit. Don’t be a hypocrite who talks about loving yourself and having self-respect if it only applies in certain situations. Even if a guy seems great and you really like him, if he can’t give you what you deserve WALK AWAY. I know it is hard. It is SO much easier said than done. I’m writing this right now while I was supposed to be on a date with a dream man. If you think it doesn’t sting just a little bit to know what an amazing time I could have been having right now you would be wrong. It had to be done though.

Be a woman who loves and respects herself enough to walk away if it isn’t right. There was no point in letting myself develop feelings for a man who I knew wouldn’t be able to give me what I needed. As soon as you know something isn’t going to be right, cut it off RIGHT THEN. Don’t wait for it to become future you’s problem. Future you will have developed even more feelings and it will be even more difficult to do.

I want to quickly point out that this concept doesn’t just apply to your dating life - respect yourself in all aspects of your life. This includes in your friendships, your career, etc. Always be ready to walk away and do what is genuinely best for you.

XOXO,

Ashley Rathbone